Just my rambling thoughts about being gay and Mormon

Sunday, November 14, 2010

He will not leave you - don't leave him

I slight diversion from my story to share something I like.

Elder Neil L. Andersen, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, gave a talk in Oct conference that I think has applicability to me, maybe it does to you as well.  He talked about how Christ will stand with us in all our trials.  He quoted the hymn, "How Firm a Foundation":
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!
Then he said, "Perfection does not come in this life, but we exercise faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and keep our covenants. President Monson has promised, “Your testimony, when constantly nourished, will keep you safe.” We push our spiritual roots deep, feasting daily on the words of Christ in the scriptures. We trust in the words of living prophets, placed before us to show us the way. We pray and pray and listen to the quiet voice of the Holy Ghost that leads us along and speaks peace to our soul. Whatever challenges arise, we never, never leave Him.
The Savior asked His Apostles, “Will ye also go away?”
Peter answered:
“Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.
“ . . . We believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Once when I was young, I was being bullied when I was at church.  It was not the first or the last time but that particular time I decided I would leave and never come back.  It was a cold fall day and the fog was heavy on the ground.  I walked home alone by way of an adjacent school playground.  The fog was thick and I could not see anything as I picked my way across the school yard.  I felt like I was as lost emotionally and spiritually as I was visually.  As I walked I had a thought come into my mind.  Why would I leave something I cared about because someone else was a jerk?  After considering that for a while, I decided I would not leave.   I would never leave because of the actions of any stupid jerk, whether it was the kid in my class, or the Bishop, or anyone else.  If I left it would be because I choose to and not because I ran away from a fight or from something I feared.

I have kept that promise to myself but it has been much more difficult than I ever could have imagined at the time.   It's one thing to have a disagreement with a primary kid and another thing completely to have a disagreement with an apostle.  Nevertheless, we are all human and I am willing to tolerate their insensitivity, unkindness and mistakes if I can have the spirit to let me know the best path for me.  It has not failed me yet.

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