Just my rambling thoughts about being gay and Mormon

Sunday, November 14, 2010

A little about the mission

My first experience with sex was with Bob, who turned out to be my second missionary companion.   Bob and I had been friends since elementary school.   His father was ex-military and he was the last child with several much older brothers.  One day when we were having a sleep over at my house Bob beckoned me into his sleeping bag.  I think we were about ten years old at the time.  This experience was repeated several times that summer.  

Bob moved away for a few years but came back into my ward when we were in high school.  We were never again as close friends as we had been during elementary school but we continued to associate mostly through church activities and scouting.  He was not much of an athlete but he clearly had an interest in being around the athletes in high school.  He became a water boy and equipment handler for the football and baseball teams.  I could see the derision he received behind his back (and sometimes in front of him) from the athletes who despised his suck up attitude but he was satisfied in being close to the teams.  I had no interest in competitive sports especially team sports so we never interacted in that arena.  Bob was called to serve in the same mission in Argentina about 4 months after I left for the Missionary Training Center (MTC).  

I had been in the country just a few months when Bob arrived and was assigned as my new junior companion.  It was the worst companionship of my mission.  We never talked about our earlier experience.  As I look back on it now I can see that we were both feeling very uncomfortable, guilty, and repressed.  As a result, we could not agree on anything and could hardly look each other in the eye.  

I lost track of Bob soon after we returned home.  I hope he has been able to make a life for himself that makes him happy.  


  1. I can relate. I had a 'friend' in Jr. High (first sexual boyfriend). I confessed and then the ward was split. I didn't have any contact with him until I saw him in the mission office one day! Man was I shocked. For a long time I guess I blamed him for my 'gayness', but now I totally forgive him, and wish that I had kept him as a friend and lover. Now I'm married with children and living the Gay-Mormon life.

  2. If anyone knows who Gary is and if he has a blog, I'd love to know. I didn't serve a mission. My dad was the branch president and he didn't encourage me to go. He knew I was a "queer", his words not mine. I'm a gay man married to a woman and I am always interested in others with sililar experiences. BTW, I really enjoy this blog.