Just my rambling thoughts about being gay and Mormon

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I was never comfortable in scouting but it was what you did when you were growing up in the Church.  The outdoor stuff was OK and I enjoyed hiking and camping.  I did not enjoy the jerks and bullies. My dad was the scout master for a while and I always got the feeling that I never quite lived up to his expectations.  

Every award they gave at Church I got.  I was awarded every advancement certificate and many merit badges.  My achievements included seminary graduation, Eagle Scout, and earning the Duty to God award.  The current and flow of church activity pushed me along and I did not object.   

In 1976 I entered the mission field and served in Argentina.  When I left on my mission the bishop commented that I was the "most prepared Elder the ward had ever sent".  I was prepared and I knew the gospel better than most of the ward members.  I've always had an intellectual and analytical thread to my thinking, which was bound to cause me trouble later in life when I studied "too much" and found out things that challenged my testimony.  But that is a story for another day...

I did enjoy my time in Argentina and in a way it confirmed to me my gay inclinations as I found that I most enjoyed the company of the other Elders and the closeness brought about by living and working together.

Before leaving on my mission I had become best friends with Alan, my future brother-in-law.  I did not know at the time that he was gay, but it was obvious to others in my family and they occasionally made sly remarks suggesting that I might not want to hang out with him.  Looking back I understand that Alan's gayness was one of the reasons I was attracted to him and we spent a lot of time together.  I was just too innocent to have any clue that he was probably gay but I could talk openly to him in a way that I could not with my family or church acquaintances.  We both served missions, because that was the way the Mormon river of culture pushed us.  I did not find out until much later that Alan was already actively gay though he did not come out until after his mission.

More to come...

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