Saturday, November 13, 2010
It must have been about 1970 when I first heard about homosexuals and it clicked in my brain "hey, that sounds like it might be me". I lived a pretty sheltered life in "Mormonville, UT" and was in Junior High at the time trying to cope with feeling "different".
That was a long time ago, but you know what? I still feel "different". This blog will lay out, for those who are interested, my life experiences and hopefully will be of some help to those who also struggle with being gay.
I had lived a perfect Mormon boy's life up to that time, following the expected path, and continued to do so for a long time. Looking back I wish I would have had teachers and leaders who would have tried to help me understand and accept myself. But I did not. Today, I think things are only slightly better for young LDS gay men. As a church we still avoid the subject and wish it would go away. It won't. I struggled for a very long time, many many years, alone with my feelings and working very hard to be "normal".
I never really considered suicide until I was much older. By then I had worked so hard to "fix" myself that I had become deeply embedded in the LDS culture and it seemed hopeless. I was never going to be able to reconcile the two opposing things that were a part of me - the church and being gay.
I will lay out my story as simply and honestly as I can and hope that it will be of help to LDS young men who are struggling. It will take some time to write it all down but I will post additional items as frequently as I can.
Know that I love you, even if I don't know your name or face. I love you because I have been where you are and know how difficult it is.
As I write my history, please feel free to drop me an email or post comments.