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Just my rambling thoughts about being gay and Mormon

Friday, December 17, 2010

Regrets?



 mohoh link
MOHOH posted a video production that tells the story of 3 young LDS guys and their stories.  I was very touched by it.  

Sometimes I wish I were one of those guys and that I had the courage when I was younger to step up and out as they have done.  I think my younger years might have been happier.  I'm so glad that they have a support group and have the opportunity to make the choice.  Things were so much different when I was younger.  Many of us older MOHOs never even considered the option of choosing to opt out of the Mormon path even though it created frequent pain for us.  We, or at least I, was convinced that I was the problem and in some perverse way believed that the only way to get better was to continue to be flogged in the Church.  I can relate to those who hurt themselves in the name of repentance.

On the other hand, if I had come out when I was young I would have missed many precious relationships that I have today and would not have the 3 fantastic kids, supportive wife, and two beautiful grandsons (plus one on the way) that I enjoy today.  Was it the right choose?  For me, I think it was and I would not change it despite the floggings and other struggles. 

One thing I've learned is that everyone's path is different and I believe each of those paths can be right for the one who chooses it.  I think those who seek God can and will be led by Him down many individually tailored paths.  We have a view of God that is much too narrow when we believe that there is only one way to live that pleases him.  All we need to do is look at the wide variety of cultures in the world to know that God loves diversity and that none of them is fundamentaly wrong.  

How can I believe this and also believe the Church is true?  In my simple mind they are two different truths.  I know the Church is true but I also know that God does not intend for everyone to be Mormon.  The Church is not the Gospel and the Gospel is not the Church. 




3 comments:

  1. There was no path back then. There was no choice. There was no support group. There were no MOHOs. There was no blogging. We all were hiding. Or we left and were never heard of again. Or we chose to end it suddenly.

    Indeed, it was a different time. The choices made, however, need to be viewed in context and not with 2010 hindsight. I appreciate reading your words, knowing they could have come from me as well. They are what they are.

    Yet, you are blessed and it is hard to say that the choices made were not the right ones at the time.

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  2. Great Blog:
    I find it really interesting that among gay men in the US, MOHO men seem to have an extraordinary sensitivity to the cultural canonicalization of BOTH religion and homosexuality.

    MOHO men have an important voice in the gay community and an affinity for the Spirit which is missing from many gay identified experiences.

    Keep learning and teaching. It is your path.

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  3. There may not have been 'another way' when you were younger although you should be thankful for it. I've made some piss poor decisions in my life that have taken me nowhere. I'm sure some of the guys in that video will soon feel the same. The allure of gay culture fades quickly once your in it.

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