Just my rambling thoughts about being gay and Mormon

Friday, February 25, 2011

Loss of Trust

The loss of trust is a sad thing.  Here I distinguish between people and organizations.  People I still trust, until proven wrong.  Not so with institutions.

I've probably been too trusting of organizations my whole life.  I believed that most institutions who had as some part of their stated purpose the goal of helping me, would do just that, even if I could not exactly see how it was going to work.  I pretty much trusted these organizations outright.  My basic trust of institutions, included schools, the LDS Church, governments, the company I worked for, etc...

I know I'm kind of slow and I probably should have recognized the truth a long time ago but as I said, I've been basically pretty trusting my whole life.  I no longer trust that any institution has my best interest at heart.  I've known this about some institutions (ie: insurance companies, the cable company, etc.) for a long time.  Now my list includes any organization including; the company I work for, the church, the community where I live, and many others.

It is sad, but even though most of these institutions will tell me they want to help me, in reality any organization can only have as it's core purpose the preservation of the organization.  Therefore, it's goals and activities may not always be in my best interest.  The organization where this has been most difficult for me to accept is the church.  

This is not to say that I don't believe in the basic principles of the church, but I've just had too many experiences that indicate that blind trust of everything that comes out of the organization is a mistake and that some things may actually harm me more than help me.  

The good news is that along with this loss of trust has come the knowledge that this is the way God intends it to be.  I believe that we are each free to come to him by following Him and not by blindly following an organization.  He is our God and Guide.  He gave us our intelligence and ability to reason so that we could make choices for ourselves.  He expects us to live by faith but also to live by sound judgment and using the gifts of intelligence that he has given to us.  We are accepted by Him when we have faith and make the best decisions we can based on our own experience. 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

They figured it out

Great, the world will now end on May 21, 2011.   Through a complicated series of scriptural interpretations it is absolutely proven that the last day of earth's existence will be May 21, 2011.  You can read all about it at:
link to the end

And I've got new shoes I haven't even worn yet....

Happy Valentines

I saw this and couldn't stop laughing.....

Friday, February 11, 2011

Oh, if it were that simple....

Losing our brightest

Seeing so many of our bright and talented members become disaffected with the Church is sad.  Certainly, this is true with gay members who are intentionally made to feel unwelcome.  

But, it also true with many others who are learning to know themselves and need some space to grow and experiment.  The Lord said we are to “learn by our own experience” and the Book of Mormon teaches about experimenting with the Word to learn for ourselves. 

Sometimes I think the Mormon community expects perfection from birth to death – at least in appearance, although at the same time we acknowledge that perfection is not possible in this life…but you still better put on the near perfect appearance or folks might talk. 

It seems to me the much more natural/normal way of life is to do exactly as we teach… but don’t really believe… and that is to experiment and learn for yourself.  For some, if not most, it probably includes some time away from the Church. 

So why is it that we look with such distain on the “inactive”?  They actually may be progressing much faster than we suspect.   

Do we actually make it more difficult for those who take some time off to come back because we make such a big deal about it?  Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone if we just let folks learn at their own pace and come and go as they choose without making a display of everyone who leaves or who comes back?

Monday, February 7, 2011

more on independent thought

Recently, I posted about freedom of thought versus compliance to the Church approved version of the truth.  I was thinking about this topic and recalled a conference talk by one of the General Authorities that related to this topic.  In General Conference, Elder Ronald E. Poleman gave a talk entitled "The Gospel and the Church", where he outlined the differences and connections between the two.  

The weird thing was that this talk never appeared in the Ensign as he gave it.  In fact, he was required to give the talk again to an empty tabernacle so the new version could be edited into the conference tape before it was published.  The link below shows what he originally said and what was ultimately published.   You might find it interesting.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

What I Iknow

There are a lot of things that are gray out there for me, things that I'm not sure exactly where the line between truth and made up junk is, but I do know for sure the following:
  • I know that God loves me
  • I know that my wife loves me
  • I know that I am gay  (it's taken longer for this one and I'm grateful to God who kept me close and safe until my knowledge was sure)
  • I know that Joseph Smith really did open the last dispensation and really did talk with God
  • I know that Jesus Christ will save my soul
  • I know that in the end I will be glad for the challenges I had
  • I know that the Church leaders are doing the best they can but that the Lord let's them learn by their own experience just like the rest of us
  • I know that I need to trust God more
  • I know that I get depressed too easily
  • I know that I need more deep relationships with men
  • I know that I won't abandon the people who love and need me
  • I know that some of the things above don't fit together very well

Saturday, February 5, 2011

What if

I had this dream the other day about growing up in a world where it was OK to date other guys.  I pictured high school dances, parties, and church activities where it was OK to flirt with guys. Wow, that was a strange dream...but pretty cool!!