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Just my rambling thoughts about being gay and Mormon

Friday, February 25, 2011

Loss of Trust


The loss of trust is a sad thing.  Here I distinguish between people and organizations.  People I still trust, until proven wrong.  Not so with institutions.

I've probably been too trusting of organizations my whole life.  I believed that most institutions who had as some part of their stated purpose the goal of helping me, would do just that, even if I could not exactly see how it was going to work.  I pretty much trusted these organizations outright.  My basic trust of institutions, included schools, the LDS Church, governments, the company I worked for, etc...

I know I'm kind of slow and I probably should have recognized the truth a long time ago but as I said, I've been basically pretty trusting my whole life.  I no longer trust that any institution has my best interest at heart.  I've known this about some institutions (ie: insurance companies, the cable company, etc.) for a long time.  Now my list includes any organization including; the company I work for, the church, the community where I live, and many others.

It is sad, but even though most of these institutions will tell me they want to help me, in reality any organization can only have as it's core purpose the preservation of the organization.  Therefore, it's goals and activities may not always be in my best interest.  The organization where this has been most difficult for me to accept is the church.  

This is not to say that I don't believe in the basic principles of the church, but I've just had too many experiences that indicate that blind trust of everything that comes out of the organization is a mistake and that some things may actually harm me more than help me.  

The good news is that along with this loss of trust has come the knowledge that this is the way God intends it to be.  I believe that we are each free to come to him by following Him and not by blindly following an organization.  He is our God and Guide.  He gave us our intelligence and ability to reason so that we could make choices for ourselves.  He expects us to live by faith but also to live by sound judgment and using the gifts of intelligence that he has given to us.  We are accepted by Him when we have faith and make the best decisions we can based on our own experience. 

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